Yesterday my cousin and I ran/walked in the inaugural Early Bird 5K in Lexington, NC. Honestly, it wasn't pretty, but we did it actually 2 minutes faster than the 5K we did October. Was the 2 minute decrease due to our awesome speedwork and training? Hell, no...it was a measure of the amount of hills in the Lexington race versus the amount of hills in the Ardmore 5K in October. Nonetheless, we finished and finished fairly strongly, particularly since the end was about a quarter mile of downhill! I sorta left my cousin behind, mainly because I was afraid to stop and also because, despite my best efforts, I can be very competitive. She makes fun of me for this, as she has noticed that if we are near others, I tend to speed up to pass them. I insist that this is totally unconscious on my part, but the reality is, I actually do this "accidentally on purpose." I can be so competitive that it is really good that I engage mostly in a sport where the competition is only with myself!
My karate has a tenet that states that our training is "Not to conquer others, but to conquer the weakness in oneself." This is very appealing to me, especially since the increase in popularity of Mixed Martial Arts gives the public the idea that the goal is to beat others bloody. That is not what my karate is all about. While karate was developed as a means for those who were not allowed to use weapons to defend themselves, it was not intended as a means of controlling others. That being said, if I get attacked, then I WILL defend myself. A responsibility, as any law enforcement officer can tell you, is using equal force. If someone hits me, I should not then pull out a knife. If he has a knife and I am 30 feet away, I cannot then use a gun. Heck, if I'm 30 feet away, I ain't sticking around to see what he will do with the knife! With the knowledge I have been given, I am charged to use it responsibly. Because my job as a child welfare worker involves going into some potentially charged and tense situations, I must always be aware of my own actions. If someone is angry with me, I cannot come back at them with anger (even if they are the worst child molester on the planet). I attempt to defuse the situation and defend myself only if physically attacked. After nearly 11 years as a child protective services worker, I have never been physically threatened. This doesn't mean that it won't happen; my responsibility is also to be aware of my surroundings and to respond with common sense. This may mean being polite and showing compassion even when I don't want to do so. I have to disengage that competitive, "I-can-beat-you" aspect of myself.
On the other hand, competition can be motivational. I have competed in tournaments before, even at the national level. What you realize though, is that after a certain age and rank, women do not feel compelled to compete, particularly in sparring, so tournaments really don't give me much motivation. (Why pay $40-$50 or more to get "awarded" 1st place?) My competition, then, can be friendly. If my friend in the dojo can do a better spinning back kick than me, I try to use that as a means to make myself want to improve on my own kick, rather than do it for the sake of being better than someone else. Alas, it can be difficult...but as with anything, do the best you can however you can for as long as you can!
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